Last night, the unspeakable happened…I had to go buy bigger pants. Instead of attempting to starve or over-work myself out of the sweats, I actually just went and bought pants that fit. Any guys reading this will think, “Well, duh.”
But the woman’s psyche is far more interesting.
Fitting room conversations play out like this, “My gosh, what’s happened to you?! Maybe if I didn’t eat those cupcakes (noodles, wine, doughnuts, insert your preferred poison here)… I didn’t realize it was THIS bad.” There is often a degree of sweating involved as well, each little bead a tiny bubble of distress as panic sets in.
But truth be told, I kind of like the me that wears bigger pants. She’s a nicer person, a healthier person. She doesn’t judge her friends by what they do or don’t eat. She doesn’t reassure them that they are not defined by a number all the while smugly keeping her own running tally of calories, next workout, and meals skipped in her head. She doesn’t spend every waking hour worshipping at the alter of appearance, control.
Now that I’m in my 30’s, I’ve noticed this lovely softening, not just of my body, but of my heart. When I am less hard on myself, I am less apt to judge others harshly. When I spend less time obsessing about food and exercise, I spend more time just living and enjoying my one wild and precious life. When I am able to view myself as my Creator sees me, I realize that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And I want to take care of His creation.
Not by starving myself, but by fueling myself to live up to my fullest potential. If I am to do the work I’m called to and run my race well, I need to take care of myself. Which comes so much easier when you love yourself.
Sisters, let’s link arms on this: You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful. You are loved. Those soft spots on your bodies and your hearts are marks of a life well-lived. Spots your hubby loves to grab and your babies caressed as they nursed to sleep. Spots where you were hurt or faced impossible odds, but yet here you stand. This body has carried and sustained you from the moment you were born. And it will be with you until you take your final breath on this earth.
Let us be women who shamelessly love ourselves, not out of vanity, but because our love of selves shows appreciation to our Creator God and spurs on our love for others, showing our daughters, our friends, that pant-size IS a number, but heart-size is immeasurable.