The absolute #1 thing I was looking forward to about moving west was the mountains. For it was the mountains that first called. Each time we went west, something beckoned, a song dancing through yellow prairie grasses, bidding us come.
First, the whisper came in South Dakota. Then, louder in Colorado. And it was so easy to confuse the whisper with the longings of my own heart, because after all they are so often connected. A love affair with mountains, foundations of the very earth imprinted on a child’s heart, cultivated and blossoming and now in full view for thirty-something year-old me. God works in the coincidence. He lives in the mystery.
Last year, smack dab in the middle of our season of waiting, I took our oldest on a mother daughter trip to Las Vegas. Long story, and yes, I took my 14 year-old daughter to Vegas and it was holy and sacred and wonderful. We flew home over the Rockies. And as the sunset lit each snow-capped peak on fire, I prayed softly, “Lord God, please. Please, Lord. Take me to the mountains. I am ready, Jesus. Send me.”
I just knew that God had mountains planned for our future. But we weren’t there yet, and it was so, so hard to be in this place of knowing what comes next without being allowed to cross over. And as I was praying, God answered clearly, “My people are my mountains.”
And oh-my-lanta, Moses, I get it now. I truly do. Because God knows more. God loves better. Because He was preparing a way through the wilderness of my heart, my pride, my expectations, my hopes and dreams. “My intentions are not always yours, and I do not go about things as you do. My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you, just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
This thing that I had fixed my gaze upon, the destination, had removed my focus from my Lord and my God. But His gaze had remained firmly on me, on His people.
Lately, I’ve been on a bit of a posting hiatus while I am in teacher training for Holy Yoga. Becoming a yoga teacher is something I’ve felt called to for awhile now. I love how yoga incorporates body, mind, and spirit, and has been such a journey of healing from my eating disorder, from my icky tendencies toward control and pride and competition. I love myself and others better when I practice yoga.
It just seemed so strange that God would call me to this endeavor in this new place, where I knew NO ONE more than in passing. I mean, we didn’t have a church home. Where on earth was I even going to teach, right? (See the control at work?)
Then last weekend, I attended a Jesus at the Core event (which was seriously AMAZING. If you get the chance, GO! Seriously, do not miss this). I wanted to experience firsthand this crazy wonderful Christian yoga tribe! And there at registration was the worship leader from the church we attended after stumbling across their ad for musicians on Craigslist…while looking for a vacuum. And his lovely, wonderful, Jesus-loving, yoga teaching wife wanted to meet me.
And here I am, stunned. Stunned at my Heavenly Father’s love for me. Stunned at His provision. The trail of daily bread that every day nourishes and feeds my soul. We get but glimpses of the big picture, and must continuously choose to walk in faith and obedience. Most days, my faith walk looks less like a marathon, pacing steady and strong, and more like an uphill scramble on a moonless night. But my God calls still, and though we wrestle, He does not let me fall.
Just over three months in Oregon, and I am so grateful I waited on God. Waited for Him to illuminate the path. Because this long journey across country was not nearly as important as the journey in my heart.
Eternal One: You are My witnesses; You are My proof.
You whom I chose for special purpose, My servant,
in order that you would know Me, trust Me, be faithful to Me,
Understand that I alone am God; no god was formed before Me,
and there will be no god after Me.
I, I am the Eternal;
there is no Savior except for Me,
I alone told that this victory would happen. Then I saved you and made it known.
No other god worked among you—You know the truth.
You can testify that it is so; as I declare, I alone am God.
Indeed, from day one, I am He. No one can wrest another from My hand.
I make things happen; who can turn them around?
Thanks be to God!